This guy is serious about improving his accuracy!

In any given year in the NFL there are generally 3 types of teams: sure-shot playoff teams, middle of the road just miss/make the wild-card teams, and complete abominations. These categories can be subdivided and there’s plenty of overlap and bleeding at the boundariess of each category but this is how things work for the most part.

This is why I don’t sweat ass-rammings like the one NOLA gave to The New York Football Giants. Ultimately, they are a playoff team. They have to play every game to ensure this comes to fruition of course, but really, for the sure-shots the regular season is an extended pre-season for the playoff tournament. You’re given 17 weeks to work out your strengths and weaknesses, develop durable and effective game plan while keeping or getting guys healthy.
When playoff time comes around The New York Football Giants should have Aaron Ross and Michael Boley back (big difference) and hopefully Chris Canty. Even if 2 of these 3 don’t make it back you might have rookies like Hakeem Nicks and Travis Beckum emerging on offense. Or Clint Sintim and Bruce Johnson on defense.

The point is that no team is the same in week 6 as they are in week 16. And this goes for ALL NFL teams. This is why your #1 concern is winning your division because it’s all about getting invited to the dance. Everyone knows that once you get there it’s a whole new ball game.

Alright. Enough about all that. How’d I do last week?
7-7?
Terrific. Thanks Brett. Thanks Jets. Thanks Eagles.

I’ve slipped to 50-41 on the year.

”I can and WILL do better.”

*****NFL LINES & PICKS: WEEK 7*****

EARLY GAMES

THE LIGHT BRIGADE @ ARROWHEAD +4.5 (±44 OVR)
This should be a fun game to watch. Neither team is terribly concerned about playing good defense yet both teams have been plucky on offense. The San Diego offensive line is improving in health. LDT looked decent against a solid Denver defense and Rivers and Gates were able to connect for a few big plays.
Last week the Chiefs “upset” the Redskins who are a terrible team, to be sure, but their defense is pretty solid. And road games on the East coast are always tough.
I can’t in good conscience pick the Chiefs to cover against a team as talented as the Chargers. Nor can I trust the Chargers to play enough D to cover at Arrowhead. You can call me a sissy...
…but I'm takin the OVAAAAH!

COLTS @ Gateway City +13
Little need be said about this game. It’s Colts v. Rams after all. But Indy’s coming off bye and Bob Sanders is ready to play his 8 games this season.
What Colts line WOULDN’T you take?

PACKERS @ The Brown Hole +9
Why the “brown hole”? Cuz they stink? Not really.
It’s just that Cleveland Stadium is such a boring name. The irony is that this franchise has never been terribly clever. The owner’s name was Paul Brown so they named the team “The Browns”. Their unis are monochromatic. Their greatest player happens to share his name with the team and went to 9 Pro-Bowls in a 9 year career while taking 9 seconds to get up from Every one of his 9 yard runs regardless of whether he was hurt or not (so the defense would never know when he was gassed).
So what’s with no longer playing at Municipal Stadium? I always loved that name. So nondescript yet totally appropriate. This is Cleveland after all!

Yeeeeeah, you love it!

I like The Pack coming off bye.

VIKINGS @ THE CITY OF CHAMPIONS -5.5 (±45 OVER)
Win-losses aside, you have to consider The Vikings the better team. They’re winning ball games on all sides of the ball. The Steelers meanwhile…I dunno. Something about them I just don’t trust. Polamalu didn’t look like he was at full speed but he was still a force.
If this was a neutral site or at Minnesota, I’d take the Vikings. But at Heinz Field anything is possible.
I’m gonna chicken out and take another over.

PATRIOTS vs. Buccaneers +14.5 (@ Wembley Stadium)
SHIPOOPI-SHIPOOPI!!!
Weather should be nice enough so...
Take the rebels.

Now NEW England goes to OLD England to play a ball game.” –The Ed

49ers @ HOUSTON -3
The Niners finally let me down, getting atom-smashed by the Falcons before the bye. I’m now free to harp on their anemic offense which shoooould be better with the return of Frank Gore and the NFL debut of Michael Crabtree but Houston scores forever though.
Hey look! A home team cover!.

LATE GAMES

THE NY TITANS @ Oakland +6
Having Nnamdi and Revis cover Braylon and Heyward-Bey is sort of like sending The Hulk to downtown Manhattan on 9/11 to “fuck shit up.”
I'm taking the Jets.

Bills @ CAROLINA-7
I picked them to win, I still enjoyed watching the Jets lose to Buffalo last week. The Bills stink on ice though and now that rancid meat is left to dry in the afternoon sun in Charlotte.
The Panthers crack me up.
In the midst of Jake Delhomme’s explicable meltdown, Steve Smith kept saying that he still loves Jake and that he still believes in him. Then last week he says that he himself is no longer an asset to the team!
I want to play in Steve’s fantasy league.
Carolina.

Bears @CIN CITY -1
I’m watching this game for ONE reason and ONE reason only….because MJD is a big-time fantasy football fan. This past week I heard him mention that he owned himself and Matt Forte but that “Forte is killing me."
MoJo plans on calling Matt to give him a pep talk.
I think he was serious because he, himself, is on bye so he won't be able to carry....himself. (So surreal)
I’m taking the home team, by the way.

SAINTS @ MIAMA +6.5 (±47 UND)
I was really thinking about taking the South Beach Wildcats. I mean, think about it. The Saints are not gonna go undefeated. AFC East defenses have played them well and they’ll be outdoors on grass against a team that can control the clock with their half-back silliness.
So in this case I am both the chicken-hawk AND the chicken.
Under.

FALCONS @ Jerry’s Death Star -4
Matt Ryan looks terrific. Why any college QB wouldn’t elect to play all four years is beyond me.
The Cowboys are coming off their bye and are at home. Felix is back but he’s lost snaps to Tashard. Barber’s quad should be stronger. Wile E. Coyote should be alright, though he’ll still suck balls (and not in the manner he's paid to) but more importantly, Demarcus Ware is a little banged up. It looks like he’ll give it a go on Sunday but that defense is suspect when fully healthy.

Dirty Birds seen shitting all over the new stadium grounds.

SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

MORGAN ATHLETIC CLUB @ THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS -4 (±46 OVR)
Oooh! It’s that old NFC East rivalry that really wasn’t much of one. (But thanks for O.J. Anderson)
I spoke a little about the Giants in the intro and you know I never make picks involving these guys so…
…just take the obligatory primetime over.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

IGGIES @ FedEx Field +7
Apparently after the G-Men destroyed the Raiders, AP was quoted as saying the game felt like a scrimmage. Those Raiders (professionals that they are) took offense and came out fired up last Sunday.
I love that The Giants had no more to do with them so the Raiders were forced to take it all out on our division rivals, The Eagles.
...
MEANWHILE, back in Landover, the VP of Football Operations stripped Jim Zorn of his play calling duties. Didn’t fire him. Just stripped him of play calling duties.

Now I ask you, in what way is Zorn the head coach of this team if he has no control over the plays being called in the game?
What kind of organization is this? Is the VP of Communication in charge of in-game audibles?
Do the bankers that own Jim Zorn’s mortgage call his wife up to tell her what to cook her kids for dinner?
Insanity.

”No, Sherm! This is MY playbook. You wanna call plays? Get your own playbook!”

Also, Chris Samuels has decided to pack it in for the season. I don’t think Portis will be far behind.

Iggies, man. Iggies.

PARLAY OF THE WEEK
Sprinkled some Saturday football love in last week and it came through! Unfortunately the Eagles robbed us of any chance at collecting so we’re going big this week. You ready?

6-Team Tease (7pts): Texas -6*, Pitt +0.5*, Colts -6.5, Packers -2, SD/KC OVR 38, NYJ/Oak OVR 28.5

Odds? 1 will get you 6 if you have the heart for it.

*NB: Texas and Pitt refer to Texas Longhorns and the Pitt Panthers. A bottle of rum to anyone who can get a screen cap of my mom or sis at the Pitt homecoming game!
(Leaving you wide open for this lay-up because I trust that we’re mature enough to let the easy jokes pass by.)

Alright boys and girls! Enjoy your weekend and as always…

…Good Luck and God Bless!