gonna need some electrolytes...

Male lions sleep about 20 hours a day. I’m no different. Plus, I’m hungover. Be happy I’m posting at all.

WEEK 3 NFL LINES AND PICKS

EARLY SUNDAY GAMES

Titans @ The New York Football Giants -3
If there’s gonna be a turnaround…

Bills @ New England -14.5
Bills play them tough.
Bu-ffa-lo.

Browns @ B-More -11.5
“I’m home, Charles….I’m home.”
Ravens.

Steelers @ East St. Petersburg +2.5
Trendy upset pick but I can’t bet against this defense with Polamalu still there.
Pitt

Bengals @ Carolina +3
Panthers stink.
Cincy.

Falcons @ N’awlins -3
Another sexy upset pick but I can’t fuck with Ryan on the road.
Saints.

49ers @ Arrowhead +3
This would be easy if it wasn’t at Arrowhead but I gotta believe in Coach Singletary.
San Francisco.

Lions @ Minnesota -11.5
I might pick the Lions every week.
Detroit.

Cowboys @ Houston -2.5
Changing of the guard? Dallas just has no discipline. I can’t with them.
Texans.

SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON

Redskins @ St. Louis +5
These guys play each other every year so I SHOULD be able to make an informed decision.
Rams.

Iggies @ Jax +2.5
Vick.

Colts @ Mile High +5.5
No Champ. No chance.
Colts.

Chargers @ Seattle +4
Gonna go out on a limb.
Hawks.

Raiders @ Arizona -4.5
Arizona stinks.
Raiders.

SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Jets @ South Beach -2.5
Gonna be a good one. Cromartie v. Marshall.
Wildcats.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

Packers @ Soldier Field +3
C’mon….

PRINCE OF PARLAY’S PARLAY OF THE WEEK

Sorry abt last week. I got a little reckless. Gonna make amends with this “Road Warrior 7-pt Tease”:
BILLS +21.5, FALCONS +10, LIONS +19.5, RAIDERS +11.5. Odds at +200.

THIS IS AMERICA!

"My president is black and my lambo is blue!

WEEK 2 NFL LINES & PICKS

Last week was a strong start. Went 10-4-1 by my count and definitely hit that primetime parlay. You really need to stick with me on these parlay and teaser bets. Anyway, week 2 is here so let’s get right into it.

EARLY SUNDAY GAMES

Chiefs @ CLEVELAND -3

What a way to start the show. At first glance this looks to be a crappy game featuring two craptastic teams but I say nay! Aside from the fact that KC looks to be a bit more explosive with fantasy darling, Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster, the Browns strike me as an underrated team. I’m not gonna say much more because I make it a point not to watch games involving the Browns (hours that I just can’t afford to waste at my age). So who knows? I could be way off.

I’ll say this though, the line moved 2 points in favor of the Browns this week which doesn’t make much sense (but to me).

I’m taking the Browns.

Bills @ LAMBEAU FIELD -13

DAMN, did C.J. Spiller do shit with the rock last week. Killed my chances at a week one fantasy victory in my Kappa league. And AaRodge didn’t light the world on fire either. That’ll all change though. While the Bills have a pretty decent pass defense, they don’t have any sort of pass rush. I gotta trust that Aaron Rodgers aka: “The Future” will find a productive way to spend his time back there in the pocket.

Packers.

RAVENS @ Cincy +2.5

Fuckin AFC North man. If you enjoy chilly autumn weather, drinking full glasses of jagermeister, and anal sex, then you probably enjoy watching AFC North games. (Also, you should probably give me a call sometime. I don’t judge.)

Vegas is opening the door to a cover with that dangling ½ point and I’m walking through it.

Ravens.

STEELERS @ Music City -5

God, do I hate the Steelers. I don’t dig their offense with Big Benlisberger. I don’t dig their offense without Big Benlisberger and I damn sure don’t dig no VISTA of no VIEW!

I think they’re gonna do a good job of containing Chris Johnson so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they find a way to cover the 5.

Take the Steelers.

Iggies @ DETROIT ROCK CITY +6.5

Boy, would I have liked the Lions in this game if both teams had their starting QBs.

You know what? Jim Schwartz had a week to gameplan Vick and Shaun Hill had a week of 1^st team reps. Plus, Megatron is impossible to miss. Let’s make this my upset (cover) special of the week.

Going with the home dogs.

Bears @ DALLAS -7

This line moved down half a point and I, for one, am thankful. Now watch it not even matter.

I’m going with Dallas.

Bucs @ CAROLINA -3

Another easy call. It might be close, but it’s an easy call.

Panthers.

Cardinals @ATL -6.5 O/U 43

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get on board with the Matt Ryan era in Atlanta. I’ve got no issue with Ryan. I’ve got no issue with the Falcons. I have issue with Ryan with the Falcons. I just don’t feel like Matty Ice can represent the ATL like that.

I have no clue what to do with this game so lemme take the over.

Dolphins @ MINNY -5.5

I could see this being a low scoring affair. Two teams that love to (if not HAVE to) pound the ball rushing. Five and a half means I get two fgs and the touchdown cover? Cool.

Vikings.

LATE AFTERNOON GAMES

Rams @ OAKLAND -3

Is this the featured game in the L.A. market? How do those fans feel about this matchup? And how fast did I get over my pre-draft love for rookie Rolando McClain?

Raiders.

Hawks @ MILE HIGH -3.5

The Seahawks whooped up on the 49ers last week (and got Coach Singletary to thank them for it!) So I’m not happy about that. Maybe I’ll get on board with the Pete Carrol era in another week or two but lemme see them do some damage in Mile High first.

Denver covers.

TEXANS @ Washington +3 O/U 43.5

Fuck Houston and fuck Arian Foster.

Having said that, I’m no dummy. I gotta go with that Texans offense. Also, RFK stadium has got like extra gravity or something. Everything seems slower and more depressed, especially scoring.

Take the road team and the under.

JAGS @ San Diego -7

The Jags always fuck me hard at least once a season. Last year it was that week 5 game when they shutout the Seahawks 41-0 on the road. As a wise man once said:

“Fool me once…shame on…shame on you. It fooled me. Ya can’t get fooled again.” –G. Dubbs

Jaguars.

PATRIOTS @ The Meadowlands +3

This will be a debacle.

Pats.

SUNDAY NIGHT PRIMETIME

The New York Football Giants @ Indianapolis -5 O/U 48.5

Y’all know the drill by now. This isn’t an official handicap. I will say this much. Giants always get torched by pass-catching tight ends and their special teams might be a problem this week. I’m not gonna tell you which way to pick but I WILL tell you the over is toast.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

CHAMPS @ San Francisco +5.5

You know what I love about Coach Singletary? The man got his ass whooped by one of the worst teams in the league last year, a division rival no less, and he got to the post-game press conference and thanked them for it. Literally thanked them for whipping their butts. Fuckin love this dude.

Saints.

PRINCE OF PARLAY’S PARLAY OF THE WEEK

7 point tease. Chiefs +10, Dallas to win, Vikings +1.5, Texans +4 and Saints +1.5. Money line is +350 on that so get on that.

Alright, kids. Daddy’s gotta go to work.

Good Luck and God Bless.

$20 CHINESE FOOD!!!

I cannot BEGIN to describe to you how excited I get about the start of each NFL season, so I won’t.

Ruff version 20.10 is (or at least tries to be) shorter on verbage. So instead I’m just gonna direct you to this video of one of my fav Nike commercials. I’ve posted through various media many times before and while technically it’s about basketball, it still aptly describes my enthusiasm and zeal for what we are now only MINUTES away from.

Enjoy.

SUNDAY EARLY GAMES

Panthers @ The New York Football Giants -6 (O/U 41)

These two squads would like to be mirror images of each other and they should be. But Carolina wishes it had the QB and receiving weapons that The Giants had while NY wishes it still had a powerful rushing attack like that of The Panthers.

As always I’m not a fan of capping Giants games but this over looks interesting and I THINK the Giants have it in them to actually cover one of the highest week 1.

Do what you will.

DOLPHINS @ Buffalo +3

I’ve been referring to the Miami Dolphins as the South Beach Wildcats for about 3 years in this column but if I continue to do so now it sounds like I’m riding the wave of So. Beach talk created by LeBron James’ “Decision”. Whatevers, joe. My shit is documented.

Fins cover.

FALCONS @ Heinz Field +1

How is this line only 1? To be fair, Polamalu is prolly more important to this team than Big Bad Benlisberger. But the quarterback IS still important to the team!

Falcons cover.

BROWNS @ East St. Peterburg -3

I’m not wasting more than 10 words on this game. (whoops!)

Cleveland covers.

BRONCOS @ Jacksonville -3

Tough call because both RBs might not be 100%. In the end I just like the Broncos more.

Denver.

COLTS @ Houston +1

This line moved which is great for gamblers because this game is ALWAYS close. If not in points than in competiveness over 60 minutes. A one-point spread makes this an easy call since The Colts always win no matter how close the game is.

INDY.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON GAMES

PACKERS @ Philly +3

I’m not drinking the kool-aid on Kolb and my man-love for Aaron Rodgers (aka: “The Future”) is well documented. This is a no brainer.

AaRodge is a killa!

49ERS @ Seattle +3

Speaking of man-love, my feelings about Coach Singletary have also been given long-shrift in these pages. Vegas truly is lost when it comes to making lines in the first few weeks. Make your money, people! ARROWHEAD

Niners.

CARDINALS @ St. Louis -3.5

Ugh. I’m tempted to take the Rams but not when they’re GIVING points (which they’ll probably do both literally as well as figuratively).

Zona covers.

SUNDAY NIGHT PRIMETIME

Cowboys @ WASHINGTON +3.5

You know how I know I really hate Philly and the Eagles? As soon as they traded McNabb to the Redskins I found myself not hating him as much. If it wasn’t for the fact that he’s still plays for a division rival I would probably root for him to do very well this year which he might do anyway.

I’m taking the points at home.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

RAVENS @ Meadowlands Stadium -2

I loved HBO’s Hard Knocks as much as the next guy but this is the REAL reality show. Even if you’re a big believer in the Jets there is nothing about them that tells you this won’t be a close game. Personally I think the Ravens win this with RELATIVE ease but either way they’re getting points so I’m taking them.

Chargers @ ARROWHEAD +4.5

Listen. We’re not gonna discuss this. Just do what I say.

Chiefs cover.

PARLAY OF THE WEEK:

As I mentioned before, Vegas is on some crazy shit these first few weeks. They just don’t have enough intel to make good lines. Some will be close but some are way off. Here’s a nice Primetime 10-point Teaser: SKINS +3.5, RAVENS +12, CHIEFS + 4.5

IT'S ALL FOR YOU!

It is here.

The time has come.

We are minutes away from the kickoff of the 2010 NFL season. Tonight we get a rematch of the 2009 NFC championship featuring the reigning Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints hosting Bret Favre and the Minnesota Vikings.

I’m not sure if this particular game requires much commentary or analysis. The Saints are coming back with essentially the same championship roster. The Superdome is gonna be an absolute madhouse. But the Vikings have more than their share of question marks. Bret Favre is a year older, missed all of training camp and is operating on a gimpy ankle. Meanwhile is number one target, Sidney Rice is out for 8 weeks recovering from hip surgery and his other target, the dynamic Percy Harvin has been battling migraines for the last 5 weeks (not to mention all his life).

I’m only vaguely aware of what the line is (Saints -4.5) but I don't think it matters. The Saints are winning this one EASILY.

So get your Thursday night bet in now. I’ll be back at you in another day or two with the OFFICIAL NFL Kickoff Sunday Lines and Picks.

Holla!