He dreams love-requited
and twice unknown.
All of a(n)ever lasting kind.
Drowning in knots,
he slumbs in wisps.
Drip...drop.
Drips and drops.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
AND WHY DO WE FALL?
"So we can learn how to get back up!"
-Alfred Pennyworth
Hello, football fans!
Great to have you back for another week of handicapping.
Last week was a bit of a duck.
I went 6-7-2 with my picks, which isn't terrible considering, except that I put an extra large bet on the Ravens-Steleers game after tanking on so many of the early games. Obviously that didn't work out well and I added injury to insult by breaking my cardinal rule of not laying money on Giants games. Without going into too many specifics let's just say that by the time Monday night rolled around I was in some dire financial straits. So much so that I started laying my last few nickels and dimes on some NBA games in an attempt to get back on my feet.
Gambling problem, anyone?
Eh. Perhaps.
But you'll be happy to know that thanks to the Warriors, Sixers, Mavs and Celtics, The Prince of Parlay is back in the game with a renewed commitment to getting these calls right.
Now remember, the points listed are for the home team and the pick, in CAPS, is against the spread unless otherwise noted.
So let's get right to it.
THURSDAY NIGHT
COLTS @ Jacksonville +6
The Colts are locked into their wild card slot and they have a history of taking late season games lightly when there isn't much to play for. Still, they could miss the playoffs entirely if the Ravens and 2 AFC East teams win out. They won't have the luxury of playing after any of these potential spoilers. So look for them to take this one seriously and treat it as their last playoff tune-up.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Ravens @ COWBOYS -4
Don't you just love this time of the year? The air is crisp. The hearth is warm. Johnny Mathis is crooning away and football is on 4 nights out of 7. And this is no turd of a matchup! Both teams are on the playoff bubble and need to win this week to stay alive.
The Ravens defense let me down against the Steelers. And that challenge "uphold" robbed us of a climactic 4th and inches play at the goal-line. The Cowboys on the other hand played inspired defense, albeit against a Giants team missing their two biggest offensive weapons. Bottom line, The Cowboy D will keep Joe Flacco and the Raven rbs in check while Romo and co. scare up enough tds to win.
SUNDAY EARLY AFTERNOON
STEELERS @ Music City -2
I hope you guys appreciated my call on that Texan victory over the Titans last week. The Titans are flawed and, oddly enough, the Steelers are better equipped to beat the them in Nashville than they are in the slop that is Heinz Field. Plus, the Titan DTs are out. Meanwhile, Dick LeBeau will crowd the box and force Kerry to beat his secondary. This time he won't. (This also is a great game to take the under)
Dolphins @ ARROWHEAD +4
Shame on me for picking against the Chiefs at home. I won't make that mistake again. The South Beach Wildcats play good defense but Thigpen has been making things happen for KC. Conversely, The Dolphins might have to contend with near freezing temperatures on Sunday. It's about time for Pennington to turn back into a pumpkin.
CARDINALS @ New England -8
This is a pick ATS. The Pats are banged up. Matt Light is out and so might be his backup. Their secondary is also dealing with injuries. But even were they healthy, the Arizona wideouts would have been a handful. Take the Cards.
BENGALS @ Cleveland -3
ugh. This game should be flexed out of ALL timeslots.
NINERS @ St. Louis +5.5
Riding with Mike Singletary has served me pretty well. I rooted for SF to win against Miama last week but they played tough and still covered. They'll do the same, if not more, versus the Rams.
SAINTS @ Detroit +7
This line SHOULD be bigger but I think Vegas is setting the line against the odds of a team losing 15 straight in one season. I don't care. A healthy Pierre Thomas gives Drew Brees enough of a run game to keep Detroit's lack of a defense honest.
CHARGERS @ Tampa -3.5
This one gives me a little agida. The Chargers put up one helluva comeback (though it was against the Chiefs). The Bucs D has been more 'myth' than 'mythical' lately. Both of these teams need this game. I'm not sure who's gonna win but I'm confident the Chargers will keep themselves in it.
SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON
Jets @ SEATTLE +5
Ooooooh. Is this one gonna hurt! Sorry, Jets fans. That was a great steal against the Bills but you're gonna hafta pay that one back. Hopefully, Holmgren wakes up in time to realise this is the last home game he'll ever coach.
TEXANS @ Oakland +7
C'mon. You know what it is.
Bills @ DENVER -7
Boy, was Marshawn Lynch going bananas before JP decided to take the game into (and then out of) his own hands. Throw the Champ Clamp on Lee Evans and do your best to contain Lynch and this game shouldn't be a problem. But here are a couple things to watch out for...
1. Trent Edwards will probably get the start. But if HE can't go, neither will Losman who's now 3rd on the depth chart.
2. If the Chargers lose against Tampa this game becomes meaningless for Denver since the winner of this division is locked in at the 4 seed.
IGGIES @ Chocolate City +5
Philly is playing good ball again. They're desperate for a chance to control their destiny versus the Cowboys in week 17. The Redskins on the other hand have quietly become more unstable than any of the other NFC East teams....okay, maybe not. But they've finally returned to a state of stink, and that's good enough for me.
Falcons @ Minnesota -3 OVR 43
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line. One of the Williams twins is out and Tarvaris Jackson will probably throw 4 picks instead of TDs in this game. But it's tough to bet against AP. Let's just assume that BOTH backs will have big days and make our money that way.
SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT
Panthers @ The Meadowlands -3
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line, "part deux." I'm not gonna make a pick but I will say this. The 2008 Panthers look a helluva lot like the 2007 New York Football Giants. Game managing QB benefitting from a strong running game and a WR who commands double teams along with a solid defense that can get after the opposing QB.
Spags is gonna hafta find a way to account for both offensive poisons. Those running backs can kill a defense and so can Steve Smith. Time for Corey Webster to earn that contract extension. The Giants, on the other hand, need to get Ahmad Bradshaw more involved in the game and set Eli up so he can start slinging that rock.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Packers @ CHICAGO -4
I gave you my heart...over and over again. I'd be a fool to get back with you now (though the prospect of Charles Woodson moving back to CB and shutting down Hester is making me waiver). Well, listen. These Bears were able to contain Brees and his Brave 300. I gotta roll with them.
THE PRINCE OF PARLAY'S "PARLAY OF THE WEEK":
BENGALS, TEXANS, STEELERS, COWBOYS & COLTS all straight up (10.85:1)
All right, folks. That's my time.
Apologies to those of you who lost money last week but it's just like something my old man used to always tell me.
He'd say, "Son...I'm not your real daddy."
Laaaaaaaaaaaaate!
-Alfred Pennyworth
Hello, football fans!
Great to have you back for another week of handicapping.
Last week was a bit of a duck.
I went 6-7-2 with my picks, which isn't terrible considering, except that I put an extra large bet on the Ravens-Steleers game after tanking on so many of the early games. Obviously that didn't work out well and I added injury to insult by breaking my cardinal rule of not laying money on Giants games. Without going into too many specifics let's just say that by the time Monday night rolled around I was in some dire financial straits. So much so that I started laying my last few nickels and dimes on some NBA games in an attempt to get back on my feet.
Gambling problem, anyone?
Eh. Perhaps.
But you'll be happy to know that thanks to the Warriors, Sixers, Mavs and Celtics, The Prince of Parlay is back in the game with a renewed commitment to getting these calls right.
Now remember, the points listed are for the home team and the pick, in CAPS, is against the spread unless otherwise noted.
So let's get right to it.
THURSDAY NIGHT
COLTS @ Jacksonville +6
The Colts are locked into their wild card slot and they have a history of taking late season games lightly when there isn't much to play for. Still, they could miss the playoffs entirely if the Ravens and 2 AFC East teams win out. They won't have the luxury of playing after any of these potential spoilers. So look for them to take this one seriously and treat it as their last playoff tune-up.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Ravens @ COWBOYS -4
Don't you just love this time of the year? The air is crisp. The hearth is warm. Johnny Mathis is crooning away and football is on 4 nights out of 7. And this is no turd of a matchup! Both teams are on the playoff bubble and need to win this week to stay alive.
The Ravens defense let me down against the Steelers. And that challenge "uphold" robbed us of a climactic 4th and inches play at the goal-line. The Cowboys on the other hand played inspired defense, albeit against a Giants team missing their two biggest offensive weapons. Bottom line, The Cowboy D will keep Joe Flacco and the Raven rbs in check while Romo and co. scare up enough tds to win.
SUNDAY EARLY AFTERNOON
STEELERS @ Music City -2
I hope you guys appreciated my call on that Texan victory over the Titans last week. The Titans are flawed and, oddly enough, the Steelers are better equipped to beat the them in Nashville than they are in the slop that is Heinz Field. Plus, the Titan DTs are out. Meanwhile, Dick LeBeau will crowd the box and force Kerry to beat his secondary. This time he won't. (This also is a great game to take the under)
Dolphins @ ARROWHEAD +4
Shame on me for picking against the Chiefs at home. I won't make that mistake again. The South Beach Wildcats play good defense but Thigpen has been making things happen for KC. Conversely, The Dolphins might have to contend with near freezing temperatures on Sunday. It's about time for Pennington to turn back into a pumpkin.
CARDINALS @ New England -8
This is a pick ATS. The Pats are banged up. Matt Light is out and so might be his backup. Their secondary is also dealing with injuries. But even were they healthy, the Arizona wideouts would have been a handful. Take the Cards.
BENGALS @ Cleveland -3
ugh. This game should be flexed out of ALL timeslots.
NINERS @ St. Louis +5.5
Riding with Mike Singletary has served me pretty well. I rooted for SF to win against Miama last week but they played tough and still covered. They'll do the same, if not more, versus the Rams.
SAINTS @ Detroit +7
This line SHOULD be bigger but I think Vegas is setting the line against the odds of a team losing 15 straight in one season. I don't care. A healthy Pierre Thomas gives Drew Brees enough of a run game to keep Detroit's lack of a defense honest.
CHARGERS @ Tampa -3.5
This one gives me a little agida. The Chargers put up one helluva comeback (though it was against the Chiefs). The Bucs D has been more 'myth' than 'mythical' lately. Both of these teams need this game. I'm not sure who's gonna win but I'm confident the Chargers will keep themselves in it.
SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON
Jets @ SEATTLE +5
Ooooooh. Is this one gonna hurt! Sorry, Jets fans. That was a great steal against the Bills but you're gonna hafta pay that one back. Hopefully, Holmgren wakes up in time to realise this is the last home game he'll ever coach.
TEXANS @ Oakland +7
C'mon. You know what it is.
Bills @ DENVER -7
Boy, was Marshawn Lynch going bananas before JP decided to take the game into (and then out of) his own hands. Throw the Champ Clamp on Lee Evans and do your best to contain Lynch and this game shouldn't be a problem. But here are a couple things to watch out for...
1. Trent Edwards will probably get the start. But if HE can't go, neither will Losman who's now 3rd on the depth chart.
2. If the Chargers lose against Tampa this game becomes meaningless for Denver since the winner of this division is locked in at the 4 seed.
IGGIES @ Chocolate City +5
Philly is playing good ball again. They're desperate for a chance to control their destiny versus the Cowboys in week 17. The Redskins on the other hand have quietly become more unstable than any of the other NFC East teams....okay, maybe not. But they've finally returned to a state of stink, and that's good enough for me.
Falcons @ Minnesota -3 OVR 43
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line. One of the Williams twins is out and Tarvaris Jackson will probably throw 4 picks instead of TDs in this game. But it's tough to bet against AP. Let's just assume that BOTH backs will have big days and make our money that way.
SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT
Panthers @ The Meadowlands -3
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line, "part deux." I'm not gonna make a pick but I will say this. The 2008 Panthers look a helluva lot like the 2007 New York Football Giants. Game managing QB benefitting from a strong running game and a WR who commands double teams along with a solid defense that can get after the opposing QB.
Spags is gonna hafta find a way to account for both offensive poisons. Those running backs can kill a defense and so can Steve Smith. Time for Corey Webster to earn that contract extension. The Giants, on the other hand, need to get Ahmad Bradshaw more involved in the game and set Eli up so he can start slinging that rock.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Packers @ CHICAGO -4
I gave you my heart...over and over again. I'd be a fool to get back with you now (though the prospect of Charles Woodson moving back to CB and shutting down Hester is making me waiver). Well, listen. These Bears were able to contain Brees and his Brave 300. I gotta roll with them.
THE PRINCE OF PARLAY'S "PARLAY OF THE WEEK":
BENGALS, TEXANS, STEELERS, COWBOYS & COLTS all straight up (10.85:1)
All right, folks. That's my time.
Apologies to those of you who lost money last week but it's just like something my old man used to always tell me.
He'd say, "Son...I'm not your real daddy."
Laaaaaaaaaaaaate!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
DON'T THINK! JUST DO!
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen!
Great to have you back for another round of handicapping!
The NFL regular season nears its end and with it come those all important late-season divisional matchups as well as teams jockeying for playoff positions. But more relevant to our endeavor is the fact that lines get REAL tight in the late season. I'm not talking about low spreads. I'm talking about Vegas getting real good at setting their lines. This will make my job a little bit more difficult.
Last week was a little tough but
we were still able to go 8-6 on the games we picked giving us an overall record of 43-29 over the last month or so of betting. That's about a 15% return on your money. Not too many investments giving you that these days!
I'm just saying...
THURSDAY NIGHT
SAINTS @ Chicago -3
Wonderful. The first of the foul lines. To be fair, this is one of your standard "evenly-matched-home-team-getting-3" lines. But still, what do you do with it? You could play it conservatively and just take the home team. But part of you feels like Drew Brees can pull this out with all his weapons back at his disposal. You don't wanna take the over because it's a cold Chicago night game. But taking the under (44.5) seems silly. I'm gonna make this my first upset/road pick. BREES!
SUNDAY EARLY GAMES
PACKERS @ Jacksonville +1
The Packers have been doing a great job of disappointing me lately. I'd take the over (44.5) had I faith the Jags could hold up there end of the bargain. Shuffling their defensive backfield did not work for Green Bay. Neither did moving Poppinga to DE. On the other hand, Jacksonville is more one-dimensional than a Texans team with Matt Schaub. Let's give the Pack one last chance.
Megatron @ Indy -17 OVR 44.5
Biggest spread of the week. The Colts had no problem covering 2 tds against the Bengals, so this line makes sense. But jaysis. You wouldn't be human if a near-20-pt-spread didn't make you a little nervous. Detroit has weapons on offense. and by "weapons" I do mean Kevin Smith and Calvin "Megatron" Johnson. Poor guys need a quarterback and a defense.
I'm not thinking twice about taking this over.
'Skins @ Cincinatti +7 OVR 36.5
Here are a few words from Clinton Portis after last week's loss to the Ravens:
"I guarantee you I know our system better than anybody else, I guarantee when we go over blitz pickups I don't miss my man. I don't know what it is, bro. If anybody got a problem with me, they need to talk to me. I don't know whats going on."
"If my man ain't coming, I ain't chipping nobody, I ain't doing nothing I ain't supposed to do. I'm gonna get out in my pass route and that's where I'll be. If somebody else give up a sack or anything else, that's on
them."
"What I need to be around for is Sundays and that's what I try to be around for. So I mean, if you've got a problem with me not practicing and can't do it that way, maybe you feel like you need to sever ties, split ties with me? Split ties with me. But don't sit here and throw me out like I don't pay attention, like I don't know what's going on, like I'm making mistakes, I'm the problem. You know, so, it is what it is, bro."
"You know, one day it's chip on your way out, then if you don't chip and you get out and the quarterback gets sacked it's like, 'Oh, you need to help this man out.' So they don't know what they want. They want you to chip, they want you to block, Jason's on his ass all game long, you're trying to stay in and help, and then it's, 'Oh, you should have gone out, they was coming to you."
"Hey, bro, it ain't rocket science how to use me. They can figure that out. If they want to put the ball in my hands I can try to help the team win. They don't I'll try to do whatever I can. If I need to cheer Ladell on, I'll cheer Ladell on. I'm not gonna be bitter about the situation."
What does all it all mean? It means I'm betting all the clowns in this circus ass-back each other into covering the points. That's what it means.
Pirates @ HOTLANTA -3
This NFC South is turning into a slugfest. The Bucs betrayed me last Monday. The Panthers exposed that defense.
Fool me twice and you're not gonna fool me again!
NINERS @ Miama -6.5
WHOAH! The DOLPHINS are getting a touchdown spread? Lookit them all grown up, forming full sentences and everything!
Great win up in Toronto, but that was against the Bills. What more does Mike Singletary have to do to prove to you that he's not dickin' around?
Defeat the Wildcat? YOU GOT IT!!!
Bills @ The Meadowlands -8 OVR 41
ugh. Speaking of the Bills, they've inexplicably forgotten how to score touchdowns.
The Jets, on the other hand, simply are who I think they are.
Buffalo should be able to APPROACH twenty points (perhaps by way of Roscoe Parrishy antics) and therefore contribute their share of the OVER.
Oilers @ HOUSTON +3
Holee Shinola!!! Tennessee is 12-1 and they're only getting a FG against the Texans! By the end of this game Jeff Fisher's gonna be singing, "OH HOUSTON, LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE!!!"
CHARGERS @ Arrowhead +5
There once was a time when a smart bettor would NEVER put money against the Chiefs at home. Well, either times have changed or I'm dumber than a bag of wooden hammers.
HAWKS @ St. Louis +3
Oh! If Georgia Frontiere was alive to see this Rams mess. Every week it's a shitshow. I thought it couldn't get worse than that debacle against the Jets in week 10 but it did.
Down 17, with the line set at 14, Marc Bulger faced a 1st and 10 @ the Arizona 10 yd line with 3
minutes to play.
ANY SCORE AND YOUR RAMS MONEY IS SAFE!!!
What does this donut do? He throws a pick-6 to Rodgers-Cromartie. 99 fuckin' yd return. Unbelievable.
SUNDAY LATE GAMES
Steelers @ CHARM CITY -1
What a game! This is what NFL football is all about folks. Steelers-Ravens, week 15, in a game that could decide the division. Ed Reed put on quite the performance last week. GOTTA love Ed Reed. GOTTA put your money in his hands.
B-MORE STAND UP!!!
BRONCOS @ Carolina -7.5
Steve Smith is an animal but he's actually not hard to cover. He basically runs posts and deep outs all day. I think Champ is up to it. The Panthers will rack up yards on the ground but if Garcia can go for 300+, I think Jay Cutler can keep it close.
PATS @ Oakland +7
I gotta be honest with you good people. I don't know what I was thinking with that Oakland pick last week. My disgust with the Chargers clouded my perception of the Raiders' ineptitude.
The Pats did me no better last week. Sure they got what THEY wanted out of week 14, but what about me?
What about us?
What about love?
Vikes @ ARIZONA -3
I don't like the Cardinals. They don't run the ball. They don't play defense. That kinda nonsense don't play come January. But then again, this ain't January and the 'kings are susceptible through the air.
So i'll take Arizona to cover at home in that big beautiful stadium of theirs.
SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT
The New York Football Giants @ Dallas -3
I hate the fuckin' Cowboys.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Browns @ PHILLY -14
ESPN has GOT to negotiate flexible scheduling rights.
PARLAY OF WEEK:
NINERS, JETS, CHARGERS & PATS (8.37:1)
Great to have you back for another round of handicapping!
The NFL regular season nears its end and with it come those all important late-season divisional matchups as well as teams jockeying for playoff positions. But more relevant to our endeavor is the fact that lines get REAL tight in the late season. I'm not talking about low spreads. I'm talking about Vegas getting real good at setting their lines. This will make my job a little bit more difficult.
Last week was a little tough but
we were still able to go 8-6 on the games we picked giving us an overall record of 43-29 over the last month or so of betting. That's about a 15% return on your money. Not too many investments giving you that these days!
I'm just saying...
THURSDAY NIGHT
SAINTS @ Chicago -3
Wonderful. The first of the foul lines. To be fair, this is one of your standard "evenly-matched-home-team-getting-3" lines. But still, what do you do with it? You could play it conservatively and just take the home team. But part of you feels like Drew Brees can pull this out with all his weapons back at his disposal. You don't wanna take the over because it's a cold Chicago night game. But taking the under (44.5) seems silly. I'm gonna make this my first upset/road pick. BREES!
SUNDAY EARLY GAMES
PACKERS @ Jacksonville +1
The Packers have been doing a great job of disappointing me lately. I'd take the over (44.5) had I faith the Jags could hold up there end of the bargain. Shuffling their defensive backfield did not work for Green Bay. Neither did moving Poppinga to DE. On the other hand, Jacksonville is more one-dimensional than a Texans team with Matt Schaub. Let's give the Pack one last chance.
Megatron @ Indy -17 OVR 44.5
Biggest spread of the week. The Colts had no problem covering 2 tds against the Bengals, so this line makes sense. But jaysis. You wouldn't be human if a near-20-pt-spread didn't make you a little nervous. Detroit has weapons on offense. and by "weapons" I do mean Kevin Smith and Calvin "Megatron" Johnson. Poor guys need a quarterback and a defense.
I'm not thinking twice about taking this over.
'Skins @ Cincinatti +7 OVR 36.5
Here are a few words from Clinton Portis after last week's loss to the Ravens:
"I guarantee you I know our system better than anybody else, I guarantee when we go over blitz pickups I don't miss my man. I don't know what it is, bro. If anybody got a problem with me, they need to talk to me. I don't know whats going on."
"If my man ain't coming, I ain't chipping nobody, I ain't doing nothing I ain't supposed to do. I'm gonna get out in my pass route and that's where I'll be. If somebody else give up a sack or anything else, that's on
them." "What I need to be around for is Sundays and that's what I try to be around for. So I mean, if you've got a problem with me not practicing and can't do it that way, maybe you feel like you need to sever ties, split ties with me? Split ties with me. But don't sit here and throw me out like I don't pay attention, like I don't know what's going on, like I'm making mistakes, I'm the problem. You know, so, it is what it is, bro."
"You know, one day it's chip on your way out, then if you don't chip and you get out and the quarterback gets sacked it's like, 'Oh, you need to help this man out.' So they don't know what they want. They want you to chip, they want you to block, Jason's on his ass all game long, you're trying to stay in and help, and then it's, 'Oh, you should have gone out, they was coming to you."
"Hey, bro, it ain't rocket science how to use me. They can figure that out. If they want to put the ball in my hands I can try to help the team win. They don't I'll try to do whatever I can. If I need to cheer Ladell on, I'll cheer Ladell on. I'm not gonna be bitter about the situation."
What does all it all mean? It means I'm betting all the clowns in this circus ass-back each other into covering the points. That's what it means.
Pirates @ HOTLANTA -3
This NFC South is turning into a slugfest. The Bucs betrayed me last Monday. The Panthers exposed that defense.
Fool me twice and you're not gonna fool me again!
NINERS @ Miama -6.5
WHOAH! The DOLPHINS are getting a touchdown spread? Lookit them all grown up, forming full sentences and everything!
Great win up in Toronto, but that was against the Bills. What more does Mike Singletary have to do to prove to you that he's not dickin' around?
Defeat the Wildcat? YOU GOT IT!!!
Bills @ The Meadowlands -8 OVR 41
ugh. Speaking of the Bills, they've inexplicably forgotten how to score touchdowns.
The Jets, on the other hand, simply are who I think they are.
Buffalo should be able to APPROACH twenty points (perhaps by way of Roscoe Parrishy antics) and therefore contribute their share of the OVER.
Oilers @ HOUSTON +3
Holee Shinola!!! Tennessee is 12-1 and they're only getting a FG against the Texans! By the end of this game Jeff Fisher's gonna be singing, "OH HOUSTON, LOVE DON'T LIVE HERE NO MORE!!!"
CHARGERS @ Arrowhead +5
There once was a time when a smart bettor would NEVER put money against the Chiefs at home. Well, either times have changed or I'm dumber than a bag of wooden hammers.
HAWKS @ St. Louis +3
Oh! If Georgia Frontiere was alive to see this Rams mess. Every week it's a shitshow. I thought it couldn't get worse than that debacle against the Jets in week 10 but it did.
Down 17, with the line set at 14, Marc Bulger faced a 1st and 10 @ the Arizona 10 yd line with 3
minutes to play.ANY SCORE AND YOUR RAMS MONEY IS SAFE!!!
What does this donut do? He throws a pick-6 to Rodgers-Cromartie. 99 fuckin' yd return. Unbelievable.
SUNDAY LATE GAMES
Steelers @ CHARM CITY -1
What a game! This is what NFL football is all about folks. Steelers-Ravens, week 15, in a game that could decide the division. Ed Reed put on quite the performance last week. GOTTA love Ed Reed. GOTTA put your money in his hands.
B-MORE STAND UP!!!
BRONCOS @ Carolina -7.5
Steve Smith is an animal but he's actually not hard to cover. He basically runs posts and deep outs all day. I think Champ is up to it. The Panthers will rack up yards on the ground but if Garcia can go for 300+, I think Jay Cutler can keep it close.
PATS @ Oakland +7
I gotta be honest with you good people. I don't know what I was thinking with that Oakland pick last week. My disgust with the Chargers clouded my perception of the Raiders' ineptitude.
The Pats did me no better last week. Sure they got what THEY wanted out of week 14, but what about me?
What about us?
What about love?
Vikes @ ARIZONA -3
I don't like the Cardinals. They don't run the ball. They don't play defense. That kinda nonsense don't play come January. But then again, this ain't January and the 'kings are susceptible through the air.
So i'll take Arizona to cover at home in that big beautiful stadium of theirs.
SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT
The New York Football Giants @ Dallas -3
I hate the fuckin' Cowboys.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Browns @ PHILLY -14
ESPN has GOT to negotiate flexible scheduling rights.
PARLAY OF WEEK:
NINERS, JETS, CHARGERS & PATS (8.37:1)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
GAMBLE GAMBLE GAMBLE
I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving holiday. Plenty of turkeys to go around this year, and I’m not just talking about the Colts, Packers, Cardinals and Seahawks covers (7-7 last week...thanks guys.)
No, for some reason TWO birds were roasted in the Armand home last weekend. Didn’t really know why. Didn’t really care. They were delicious.
But this is a new week and with it comes a fresh opportunity to make back some of that lost dough. So let’s get right to it…
THURSDAY PRIMETIME
RAIDERS @ San Diego -9.5
Speaking of 2 turkeys!
Something about this Charger team just isn’t right. Eli knew it 4 years ago and everyone thought he was crazy. All the talent in the world but no heart. I can’t see them covering this spread.
SUNDAY EARLY GAMES
Tigers @ INDY -13.5
Boy, did the COLTS lay an egg last week. I warned some of you fantasy footballers about owning Peyton Manning this year. To be fair, T.J. Hoosh is screwing me over just as badly. Not a single offensive TD was scored by either of these teams last week. Taking the over (41.5) isn’t a terrible idea, but I’m gonna trust the Indy defense to keep the spread safe.
Jaguars @ CHICAGO -6.5
There’s only one thing I like about cold weather and that’s the opportunity to see Jack Del Rio in that black leather jacket. I’m a big fan of head coaches looking spiffy on the sideline. (I rooted for Mike Nolan to be successful just for that reason!) That said, I feel like this line is too high. It really shouldn’t be more than a FG, but it’s hard to take the Jaguars when Fred Taylor is on record as saying that this is the worst team he’s ever played on. Yikes!
Texans @ GREEN BAY -6
The Packers are on the outside looking in on the playoff picture and for no good reason...besides an inability to play defense, that is.
Isn’t this supposed to be a solid unit? Hawk...Barnett...Harris...Woodson?
Matt Schaub should be back this week which is tempting me to take the over, but something tells me the Packers find a way to keep this thing under 50. Take the Pack.
Browns @ Music City -13.5 OVR 37.5
I’m not gonna sit here and say the Titans aren’t a good team.
Dirty Birds @ NO -3
I’m strongly considering taking the under (51) in this one. There’s no reason to believe that these two QBs can’t do some serious damage on the fast track in Nawlins. But I feel like this line is set to entice us into taking the over. Which means that Vegas knows something we don’t…but I could just be over-thinking this. I’ll just take the home team to cover.
SUNDAY AFTERNOON GAMES
Jets @ SANFRISCO +3.5
Speaking of lines I don’t trust! Why is a team, considered by many to be one of the top 3 in their conference, only giving 3.5 to a 4-8 team? Perhaps Vegas believes in Mike Singletary as much as I do. In any case, I hope he can figure out a way to neutralize all of those offensive weapons. Niners.
DOLPHINS @ Toronto -1
The South Beach Wildcats will play an international game for the second straight year. I predict a very similar result. I like the Bills.
(By the way, does anyone know what stadium they’re playing in? Is it where the Argonauts play? WAIT! Didn’t Ricky Williams play for them while he was suspended from the NFL?)
Forget what I said before. Something tells me the crowd’s gonna be split in this one. I’ll take the Dolphins.
Chiefs @ Broncos -9.5 OVR 49
With these two defenses you have to take the over. Not because the scoring will be so high, which it will, but because you can’t trust either team to cover the spread. A final score of 35-24 is infinitely conceivable, I'm just not sure in which direction.
PATS @ Seattle -4.5
Seattle and San Diego have a lot in common. Both are west coast cities I would enjoy visiting. Both have underachieving teams with inexplicably impotent offenses. Both have coaches that won’t be around next year (their raps are too severe).
RAMS @ Arizona -14
I bet the Cards are happy to be back in their own division. What a tough week. This is a large spread partly because the Cards are coming off half a bye and the Rams are just not scoring. Still, 2 TDs is a lot for a team that doesn’t really play great defense.
Cowboys @ SCHLITZBURG -3
That ol’ Superbowl rivalry renewed. Both these lines are SPOT ON. Three pts to the home team and 39 total points. I don’t know what to think of either of these teams, but I can see the Steeler D holding the Cowboys to less than 3 TDs. I guess it all comes down to whether Big Ben can come up with more than that. I’ll roll the dice.
SUNDAY PRIMETIME
Skins @ CHARM CITY -5
Is that nickname supposed to be ironic? I've been to Baltimore. There's very little that's "charming" about it. Also, before the Ravens came to town, wasn’t everyone there forced to become a Redskins fan? Shouldn’t this game be something akin Yankees/Mets or Raiders/Niners?
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
BUCS @ Carolina -3
I know I’m picking a lot of road teams but what do you want? I call ‘em like I see ‘em. As for the Panthers, all their costumes and super-powers ain’t shit! It’s time for their reign of lick and truckery...uh...trick and luckery...err...luck and trickery...to...um...come to...an end...yeah.
SACROSANCT
Iggies @ The Meadowlands, Home of The NY Football Giants -7
Ohhh! Look who’s finally coming around? Undefeated at home and 11-1 overall and we finally get a TD spread.
I’ll say this much…if Tom Coughlin finds a way to outcoach “Big Pun” Andy Reid again, I wanna hear less about running Donovan F. McNabb out of Philly and more about getting rid of their pork-chop of a coach!
Alright. Should be another great week of football. Good luck and good cheer!
PARLAY OF THE WEEK:
Colts, Packers, Pats, Ravens & Bucs (8.5:1)
No, for some reason TWO birds were roasted in the Armand home last weekend. Didn’t really know why. Didn’t really care. They were delicious.
But this is a new week and with it comes a fresh opportunity to make back some of that lost dough. So let’s get right to it…
THURSDAY PRIMETIME
RAIDERS @ San Diego -9.5
Speaking of 2 turkeys!
Something about this Charger team just isn’t right. Eli knew it 4 years ago and everyone thought he was crazy. All the talent in the world but no heart. I can’t see them covering this spread.
SUNDAY EARLY GAMES
Tigers @ INDY -13.5
Boy, did the COLTS lay an egg last week. I warned some of you fantasy footballers about owning Peyton Manning this year. To be fair, T.J. Hoosh is screwing me over just as badly. Not a single offensive TD was scored by either of these teams last week. Taking the over (41.5) isn’t a terrible idea, but I’m gonna trust the Indy defense to keep the spread safe.
Jaguars @ CHICAGO -6.5
There’s only one thing I like about cold weather and that’s the opportunity to see Jack Del Rio in that black leather jacket. I’m a big fan of head coaches looking spiffy on the sideline. (I rooted for Mike Nolan to be successful just for that reason!) That said, I feel like this line is too high. It really shouldn’t be more than a FG, but it’s hard to take the Jaguars when Fred Taylor is on record as saying that this is the worst team he’s ever played on. Yikes!
Texans @ GREEN BAY -6
The Packers are on the outside looking in on the playoff picture and for no good reason...besides an inability to play defense, that is.
Isn’t this supposed to be a solid unit? Hawk...Barnett...Harris...Woodson?
Matt Schaub should be back this week which is tempting me to take the over, but something tells me the Packers find a way to keep this thing under 50. Take the Pack.
Browns @ Music City -13.5 OVR 37.5
I’m not gonna sit here and say the Titans aren’t a good team.
Dirty Birds @ NO -3
I’m strongly considering taking the under (51) in this one. There’s no reason to believe that these two QBs can’t do some serious damage on the fast track in Nawlins. But I feel like this line is set to entice us into taking the over. Which means that Vegas knows something we don’t…but I could just be over-thinking this. I’ll just take the home team to cover.
SUNDAY AFTERNOON GAMES
Jets @ SANFRISCO +3.5
Speaking of lines I don’t trust! Why is a team, considered by many to be one of the top 3 in their conference, only giving 3.5 to a 4-8 team? Perhaps Vegas believes in Mike Singletary as much as I do. In any case, I hope he can figure out a way to neutralize all of those offensive weapons. Niners.
DOLPHINS @ Toronto -1
The South Beach Wildcats will play an international game for the second straight year. I predict a very similar result. I like the Bills.
(By the way, does anyone know what stadium they’re playing in? Is it where the Argonauts play? WAIT! Didn’t Ricky Williams play for them while he was suspended from the NFL?)
Forget what I said before. Something tells me the crowd’s gonna be split in this one. I’ll take the Dolphins.
Chiefs @ Broncos -9.5 OVR 49
With these two defenses you have to take the over. Not because the scoring will be so high, which it will, but because you can’t trust either team to cover the spread. A final score of 35-24 is infinitely conceivable, I'm just not sure in which direction.
PATS @ Seattle -4.5
Seattle and San Diego have a lot in common. Both are west coast cities I would enjoy visiting. Both have underachieving teams with inexplicably impotent offenses. Both have coaches that won’t be around next year (their raps are too severe).
RAMS @ Arizona -14
I bet the Cards are happy to be back in their own division. What a tough week. This is a large spread partly because the Cards are coming off half a bye and the Rams are just not scoring. Still, 2 TDs is a lot for a team that doesn’t really play great defense.
Cowboys @ SCHLITZBURG -3
That ol’ Superbowl rivalry renewed. Both these lines are SPOT ON. Three pts to the home team and 39 total points. I don’t know what to think of either of these teams, but I can see the Steeler D holding the Cowboys to less than 3 TDs. I guess it all comes down to whether Big Ben can come up with more than that. I’ll roll the dice.
SUNDAY PRIMETIME
Skins @ CHARM CITY -5
Is that nickname supposed to be ironic? I've been to Baltimore. There's very little that's "charming" about it. Also, before the Ravens came to town, wasn’t everyone there forced to become a Redskins fan? Shouldn’t this game be something akin Yankees/Mets or Raiders/Niners?
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
BUCS @ Carolina -3
I know I’m picking a lot of road teams but what do you want? I call ‘em like I see ‘em. As for the Panthers, all their costumes and super-powers ain’t shit! It’s time for their reign of lick and truckery...uh...trick and luckery...err...luck and trickery...to...um...come to...an end...yeah.
SACROSANCT
Iggies @ The Meadowlands, Home of The NY Football Giants -7
Ohhh! Look who’s finally coming around? Undefeated at home and 11-1 overall and we finally get a TD spread.
I’ll say this much…if Tom Coughlin finds a way to outcoach “Big Pun” Andy Reid again, I wanna hear less about running Donovan F. McNabb out of Philly and more about getting rid of their pork-chop of a coach!
Alright. Should be another great week of football. Good luck and good cheer!
PARLAY OF THE WEEK:
Colts, Packers, Pats, Ravens & Bucs (8.5:1)
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