-Alfred Pennyworth
Hello, football fans!
Great to have you back for another week of handicapping.
Last week was a bit of a duck.
I went 6-7-2 with my picks, which isn't terrible considering, except that I put an extra large bet on the Ravens-Steleers game after tanking on so many of the early games. Obviously that didn't work out well and I added injury to insult by breaking my cardinal rule of not laying money on Giants games. Without going into too many specifics let's just say that by the time Monday night rolled around I was in some dire financial straits. So much so that I started laying my last few nickels and dimes on some NBA games in an attempt to get back on my feet.
Gambling problem, anyone?
Eh. Perhaps.
But you'll be happy to know that thanks to the Warriors, Sixers, Mavs and Celtics, The Prince of Parlay is back in the game with a renewed commitment to getting these calls right.
Now remember, the points listed are for the home team and the pick, in CAPS, is against the spread unless otherwise noted.
So let's get right to it.
THURSDAY NIGHT
COLTS @ Jacksonville +6
The Colts are locked into their wild card slot and they have a history of taking late season games lightly when there isn't much to play for. Still, they could miss the playoffs entirely if the Ravens and 2 AFC East teams win out. They won't have the luxury of playing after any of these potential spoilers. So look for them to take this one seriously and treat it as their last playoff tune-up.
SATURDAY NIGHT
Ravens @ COWBOYS -4
Don't you just love this time of the year? The air is crisp. The hearth is warm. Johnny Mathis is crooning away and football is on 4 nights out of 7. And this is no turd of a matchup! Both teams are on the playoff bubble and need to win this week to stay alive.
The Ravens defense let me down against the Steelers. And that challenge "uphold" robbed us of a climactic 4th and inches play at the goal-line. The Cowboys on the other hand played inspired defense, albeit against a Giants team missing their two biggest offensive weapons. Bottom line, The Cowboy D will keep Joe Flacco and the Raven rbs in check while Romo and co. scare up enough tds to win.
SUNDAY EARLY AFTERNOON
STEELERS @ Music City -2
I hope you guys appreciated my call on that Texan victory over the Titans last week. The Titans are flawed and, oddly enough, the Steelers are better equipped to beat the them in Nashville than they are in the slop that is Heinz Field. Plus, the Titan DTs are out. Meanwhile, Dick LeBeau will crowd the box and force Kerry to beat his secondary. This time he won't. (This also is a great game to take the under)
Dolphins @ ARROWHEAD +4
Shame on me for picking against the Chiefs at home. I won't make that mistake again. The South Beach Wildcats play good defense but Thigpen has been making things happen for KC. Conversely, The Dolphins might have to contend with near freezing temperatures on Sunday. It's about time for Pennington to turn back into a pumpkin.
CARDINALS @ New England -8
This is a pick ATS. The Pats are banged up. Matt Light is out and so might be his backup. Their secondary is also dealing with injuries. But even were they healthy, the Arizona wideouts would have been a handful. Take the Cards.
BENGALS @ Cleveland -3
ugh. This game should be flexed out of ALL timeslots.
NINERS @ St. Louis +5.5
Riding with Mike Singletary has served me pretty well. I rooted for SF to win against Miama last week but they played tough and still covered. They'll do the same, if not more, versus the Rams.
SAINTS @ Detroit +7
This line SHOULD be bigger but I think Vegas is setting the line against the odds of a team losing 15 straight in one season. I don't care. A healthy Pierre Thomas gives Drew Brees enough of a run game to keep Detroit's lack of a defense honest.
CHARGERS @ Tampa -3.5
This one gives me a little agida. The Chargers put up one helluva comeback (though it was against the Chiefs). The Bucs D has been more 'myth' than 'mythical' lately. Both of these teams need this game. I'm not sure who's gonna win but I'm confident the Chargers will keep themselves in it.
SUNDAY LATE AFTERNOON
Jets @ SEATTLE +5
Ooooooh. Is this one gonna hurt! Sorry, Jets fans. That was a great steal against the Bills but you're gonna hafta pay that one back. Hopefully, Holmgren wakes up in time to realise this is the last home game he'll ever coach.
TEXANS @ Oakland +7
C'mon. You know what it is.
Bills @ DENVER -7
Boy, was Marshawn Lynch going bananas before JP decided to take the game into (and then out of) his own hands. Throw the Champ Clamp on Lee Evans and do your best to contain Lynch and this game shouldn't be a problem. But here are a couple things to watch out for...
1. Trent Edwards will probably get the start. But if HE can't go, neither will Losman who's now 3rd on the depth chart.
2. If the Chargers lose against Tampa this game becomes meaningless for Denver since the winner of this division is locked in at the 4 seed.
IGGIES @ Chocolate City +5
Philly is playing good ball again. They're desperate for a chance to control their destiny versus the Cowboys in week 17. The Redskins on the other hand have quietly become more unstable than any of the other NFC East teams....okay, maybe not. But they've finally returned to a state of stink, and that's good enough for me.
Falcons @ Minnesota -3 OVR 43
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line. One of the Williams twins is out and Tarvaris Jackson will probably throw 4 picks instead of TDs in this game. But it's tough to bet against AP. Let's just assume that BOTH backs will have big days and make our money that way.
SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT
Panthers @ The Meadowlands -3
Your classic "evenly matched teams" line, "part deux." I'm not gonna make a pick but I will say this. The 2008 Panthers look a helluva lot like the 2007 New York Football Giants. Game managing QB benefitting from a strong running game and a WR who commands double teams along with a solid defense that can get after the opposing QB.
Spags is gonna hafta find a way to account for both offensive poisons. Those running backs can kill a defense and so can Steve Smith. Time for Corey Webster to earn that contract extension. The Giants, on the other hand, need to get Ahmad Bradshaw more involved in the game and set Eli up so he can start slinging that rock.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Packers @ CHICAGO -4
I gave you my heart...over and over again. I'd be a fool to get back with you now (though the prospect of Charles Woodson moving back to CB and shutting down Hester is making me waiver). Well, listen. These Bears were able to contain Brees and his Brave 300. I gotta roll with them.
THE PRINCE OF PARLAY'S "PARLAY OF THE WEEK":
BENGALS, TEXANS, STEELERS, COWBOYS & COLTS all straight up (10.85:1)
All right, folks. That's my time.
Apologies to those of you who lost money last week but it's just like something my old man used to always tell me.
He'd say, "Son...I'm not your real daddy."
Laaaaaaaaaaaaate!
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