DING! DING! ROUND 2!!!

Sometimes when you eagerly anticipate something for too long you eventually wash over with this weird feeling of muted relief. The anxiety and eustress leave your system in a burst or in a slow dissipation but in either case you find yourself in a crashed state. Nothing can ever live up to the anticipation you feel the moment before you experience it.

Not with football though!

Oh no. Week 1 did little to disappoint the sports fans. We had everything. All-Day Peterson was a monster on the ground. Drew Brees was master of the air. The Bengals found yet another way to snatch defeat from the claws of victory. Monday night gave us not one but TWO last minute come from behind victories by would-be SB contenders, not to mention the return of Tom Brady.

Speaking of Monday night, am I the only person who thought the Bills and Patriots looked fantastic in those throwback unis? It’s weird because those old unis are the ones I grew up with but whenever a team made a switch I invariably thought it was for the better. But seeing the Bills with those classic white helmets with the Buffalo on the side was pretty awesome. The same for New England. All this time I thought Pat the Patriot sucked major balls but really it was just their players from the 80s.

Alright. Last week we went 10-6 (if you took that Dallas OVR as well), not to mention hitting that parlay of the week, so let’s keep this on and poppin…

EARLY SUNDAY GAMES

PATRIOTS @ The Meadowlands +3.5 (±45.5)

Pats vs. Jets. Best AFC rivalry over the past decade. The head-to-head record is heavily in the Pats favor but the Jets always find a way to make at least ONE of their annual matchups close. It’s usually not the first game though. The Pats D looks more porous than Travis Henry's condoms, but this is Tom Brady and Bill Belicheck we’re talking about. If they can’t find a way to beat a rookie QB with only 13 starts since high school then they might as well call this dynasty a wrap.

Pats cover.

Panthers @ ATL -6.5 (±42)

What can I say about Jake Delhomme that hasn’t already been said about former No-Limit rapper, C-Murder? A 30 year old Louisianan completely willing to ruin his shitty career by firing ill-advised shots into crowds.

The Panthers love to rely on their linemen to create pressure. I don’t think that’s enough against a solid Matt Ryan. He’s got a solid running game and tons of reliable pass-catching options. Steve Smith is the most over rated awesome player I’ve ever seen.

Take the Falcons.

The Autumn Wind @ ARROWHEAD -3 (±38.5)

Another divisional game for the Raiders, this time against the Kansas City Chiefs. Raiders looked pretty solid Monday Night against the Light Brigade but ultimately came up short. They might actually have something in this Louis Murphy character.

Cassel looks like he’ll be back on Sunday but I doubt he’ll be a factor. I see the Raiders being a bit deflated after letting one slip to San Diego.

Let’s go with the Chiefs.

Texans @ MUSIC CITY -6.5 (±41)

Ah wonderful! Part I of the annual Houston Bowl Series.

Still trying to figure out why the Texans let the Jets come into their stadium and smack them around last Sunday. They’re already getting a little dinged up and now they gotta go face a Titans team at home and fresh off 10 days rest. They’ll also wanna re-establish their dominance after losing a close one to Pittsburgh.

I like the old Oilers.

Bungle Tigers @ LAMBEAU -9 (±42)

The Bengals are just a bunch of clowns. It’d be foolish of me to do anything but take the Packers to cover.

AD & THE MINNY ALL-STARS @ Motown +9.5 (±46.5)

Well, I took the Lions to cover 2 tds last week against the Saints and they couldn’t do it. I’ll definitely ask them to do it again but not this week. That defense has more holes than a Brett Ratner script.

At least Megatron will get some grissle.

Vikings cover the 9 ½.

Rams @ JACK KENT COOKE -10 (±36.5)

We used to have some great stadium names. The Redskins don’t play in RFK anymore but Jack Kent Cooke deserved to keep his name on the stadium he built. The man died without seeing it opened yet within 2 years Dan Snyder is whoring it out to FedEx. Yuck!

As for the Rams? Well I’m sorry to say that Coach Spags starts his head coaching career 0-2 against the spread.

DREW BREES & da NOLA Pass-Catchers @ Philly Pick (±46)

Drew fuckin’ Brees. This dude went absolutely bananas last week. Can Vegas set this line to ANY number that will stop you from taking the OVER?

Take the Saints.

Take the OVR.

CARDINALS @ Jacksonville -3 (±42.5)

Boy was I right about these two teams last week. I’m not impressed with Arizona’s prospects this year. No way Warner stays healthy and they’ll struggle to go 8-8. The Jags meanwhile are tough and have improved their WR corps. They’re still one dimensional though. Stop MJD. Win the game.

This is an early east coast game and I’m not sure how equipped the Cards are to neutralize MoJo but I’ll take the NFC champs and the points.

LATE AFTERNOON GAMES

‘hawks @ CANDLESTICK -1.5 (±39.5)

See what I mean? Candlestick. What a great name for a park!

One of these 2 teams will win the division. The winner might find themselves with a 2 game lead by the evening. I think these two teams are pretty even. I’d like Seattle a lot if they were at home.

Playing in San Francisco essentially makes this a pickem. Coach Singletary hasn’t let me down yet so…

Niners cover.

Bucs @ Rich Stadium -5 (±42.5)

Tampa Bay really did what I thought they would against the Cowboys last week. And the Bills? Forget it. They just can’t seem to get out their own way (Week 15 vs. Jets last year?).

I’m going to do everything in my power not to watch a single minute of this game.

I will however make this my first chicken shit bet.

THE UNDER.

Browns @ MILE HIGH -3 (±39)

See! Another one. Mile High Stadium. Just a terrific name for an arena.

Jamal Lewis did not look completely terrible last week. Braylon Edwards on the other hand is gonna be a headache for his owners this year. It’s not all his fault. Winslow’s gone and Brady stinks.

Unless the NFL allows them to activate a 24 year old Jim Brown in honor of the AFL’s 50 year anniversary I just don’t see Denver losing.

Broncos cover.

THE B-MORE RAVENS @ Qualcomm -3 (±40.5)

This should be a fun game to watch. Massive fantasy implications for yours truly as I own LDT, Sproles, Rice, Mason and the Ravens D. But really, it’s just fun to watch the Ravens smack people around. And Pretty Boy Flacco is no slouch either. Baltimore should have no problem moving the ball.

San Diego on the other hand is dealing with injuries. They lost approximately 17 starting linemen and LDT is wearing a boot.

He’s a funny guy, that LT. I hesitate to call him soft but have you ever seen that commercial where the ref blows the whistle cause a player is down on the field. The coach and the team doctors rush out and ask him, what’s wrong? He lays there on his side, stretched out with his legs crossed picking at the grass and responds with a sheepish: “When they boo me, my feelings hurt!”

Anyway, where were we? Oh. The Ravens. Yeah, I’ll take those points

Champs @ SOLDIER FIELD +3 (±37.5)

I feel it’s only proper that I give the Steelers their proper respect…at least until they get dethroned.

It’s never good when I pick THIS many road teams to cover but the Bears were over-rated BEFORE they lost Urlacher. Actually that’s not true. It’s just Urlacher that was over-rated.

Polamalu on the other hand was the real deal and he’s gone. I’m gonna take the Bears and the points.

SUNDAY NIGHT SACROSANCT

The New York Football Giants @ Cowboys Stadium -3 (±44.5)

They always put this game on Sunday night. I grow so anxious over the course of the afternoon and throughout the game. Boy,do I hate losing to the Cowboys and heaven help me but Romo and Witten ALWAYS have big games against the G-men. That and the fact that this is the first regular season game in Jerry’s New Fully Operational Death Star. I have to admit that I’m looking forward to seeing it myself.

Giants should be able to establish the run. Eli should also have a good game. I don’t usually pick Giants games anyway but you can be safe in taking the OVR.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

COLTS @ Joe Robbie +3 (±42)

Manning and Wayne travel down to South Beach to face the Wildcats.

Listen, these Dolphins aren’t a mystery. Ronnie and Ricky split carries. They run the occasional reverse, direct snap, half-back pass and occasional flea-flicker. Chad Pennington is accurate if not strong-armed. Nothing about them spells victory.

Take this road cover and hopefully the Colts will get you to bed by halftime.

Parlay of the Week:

Tough lines this week so we gotta go with a 5 team parlay but 3 of them are just straight up. Titans, Minny, Skins all to win & Pats, Colts to cover. Pays out 7 on the dollar.

Let’s get it!

Good Luck and God Bless.