The Elusive

Damn Green Bay upset is all that stood between me and TOTAL financial supremacy.

”Playtime’s ova, boy!”

The Last Dragon.
(sigh)
What a great friggin’ movie. Do you know anyone who’s seen it and not liked it? I don’t. I’ve seen that film at least one hundred times and it never disappoints. There isn’t a single frame from a single scene that isn’t funny, interesting, awesome or ridiculous on some level.

There’s been talk about a sequel or remake for some time now and while I’m sure Taimak is still in great physical shape (hey, remember when he played the date-rapist in the season one eps. of ‘A Different World?), it just wouldn’t be the same. Little Richie’s all grown up. Vanity gained weight and found God (not sure of the order) and worst of all, Sho’Nuff is dead.

While on some level it would be cool to see Samuel Leroy Jackson ham it up as the Shogun of Harlem, the truth is Julius Carry OWNED that role. Who else you know could pull off the football shoulder-pads/red gi-pants/chuck taylor combo?
And was he not rockin’ the “real shades” shades a full 2 decades before Kanye hit the scene?

***NFL LINES & PICKS: WEEK 10***

EARLY SUNDAY GAMES

JAGUARS @ The Meadowlands -6.5
Home teams coming off byes have been doing pretty well ATS but that’s almost a TD we’re talking about here. There’s a chance I’m mixing my fantasy perspective with my NFL perspective but there’s no denying that The Jets will have a tough time stopping MJD without Kris Jenkins.
Jaaaaaaaags.

Broncos @ JACK KENT COOKE +3.5
Seeing a player as tough as Clint P. lie face down and motionless in the turf last Sunday was a bit disturbing. Washington should seriously think about shutting it down for the season. As it is they’re just doing it a player at a time, one week at a time. That said, Broncos are on a short week, are traveling east for a one o’clock game and are giving more than a FG to a defense that’s still pretty solid.

”Oh man… I bet Cooley is pickin’ Ladell up off the waiver wire RIGHT NOW!”

Bengals @ THE CITY OF CHAMPIONS -7
Here’s where the rubber hits the road.
Bengals win this and they’ll probably go 6-0 in the division. But the Steelers defense is as solid as usual and the offensive line held up pretty well run-blocking AND in pass protection versus the Broncos.
Look for Pittsburgh to start restoring order in the AFC North.

Bills @ MUSIC CITY -8.5
Vegas refused to give up on the Titans this year which is unfortunate because had they done so, we could clean up on a couple of sub-touchdown lines. Eight and a half is scary but Chris Johnson is scarier.
Titans all day.

The Lions @ THE METRODOME -16.5
I always seem to make an “all-day” reference leading into a Vikings Game. Lemme tell you exactly how this game is going to go. Detroit is going to keep it relatively close for about 12 minutes (17-10ish in the 2nd quarter. They’ll find themselves down two scores in and around halftime and the final score will be something like 38-17.
Now I haven’t done the math. Is that more than 16.5 points?
If it is, then take the Vikings.

The Saints @ THE GEORGIA DOME -13.5
Lemme tell you how this game is going to go. The Rams are going to come in with one mission: Deliver a steady, yet ample dosage of Steve Jax.
The Saints, too will have only one mission: to stay the constant flow of Steve Jax.
Two problems:

1. Steve Jax is unstoppable.
2. The only thing that Steve Jax chews up more than yards, is time.

There just won’t be enough time for the Saints to rack up a 2 TD lead…or they will...wha-evah.

Nah. The OTHER Steve Jax. But yeah, this guy’s a handful too.

DIRTY BIRDS @ Carolina +1.5
NFC SOUTH ALERT!
NFC SOUTH ALERT!
These games are always close (just not “Panthers-covering-2” close).
Falcons.

BUCS @ South Beach -10
A wise man once told me that the battle of the Florida-penis always goes WAAAAAY under. (I might wanna reword that.)
Since I’m saving my chicken-shit bets for the late games I’ll just take those double digit points.
I believe in you, Josh Freeman!

LATE AFTERNOON GAMES

Chiefs @ The Black Hole -2 (±36.5)
Ah, the 4 o’clock games and not a moment too soon. Two friggin’ points?! What am I posta do with that? I’m not saying it’s wrong. But hell’s bells! There’s no way to predict what’ll happen with these two teams.
Except of course for the…
OVAAAHHH!!!!

’hawks @ Arizona -8.5 (±46.5)
You’d hafta be insane to take the Cardinals to cover this many points at home versus the hawks. I mean, the Cards can score points. But not every DC is stoopid enough to single cover Larry Fitzgerald for an entire half.
How about another…
OVAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Iggies @ SAN DIEGO -1

”But I’m throwing behind my receivers by like...5yards! Just like you said!”
“Yeah, but they're still catchable. Flick your wrist like this…that way the ball goes right into the dirt.

COWBOYS @ Green Bay +3
Of all the indignities!!! The Packers are GETTING 3 points in the frozen tundra! This is what happens when you lose in epic-fail-fashion to the East St. Petersberg Creamsicles. (I believe in you Josh Freeman!)
AaRod will always have a place on my fantasy team (no negative points for bad sacks), but as long as that offensive line is giving it up like a fat girl on prom night, and as long as that D-fensive line is penetrating like a USA Today article, IIII’M gonna keep spitting out these similes…
…while taking the Cowboys to cover.

SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

PATRIOTS @ Indianapolis -3
If Troy Aikman were making this pick:

"I’m not so sure The Indianapolis Colts have ever been able to outplay New England to the point where they could establish a lead that Tom Brady and these New England Patriots wouldn’t be able to come back from.
If I were a betting man, and I’m not…but if I were, I think I'd like to take the New England Patriots and that field goal all the way to the bank.”

Thanks, Troy.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

RAVENS @ The Cleve +10.5
NFL 2009 Flex Scheduling: A week too late and a night too soon.
Ravens

PARLAY OF THE WEEK:

BANG!!!

C’mon folks! You gotta give it up for my POTWs. Last week I knocked yet another one out the park. That one paid 7 on the dollar. I GOTTA be well over 50% on these big bets so I can afford to go a little crazy and try to shoot the moon.
6-TEAM TEASE: Steelers to win, Titans -1.5, Pats +10, Ravens -3.5, KC/Oak OVR 30.5, Sea/Zona OVR 40.5

Happy Hunting!

"MOOO-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHH!!!"