Is that an appropriate term, "author"? I feel like that's a tad too...heh...AUTHORATIVE.
That's hilariously ironic for reasons that may or may not not become evident in the near future of this blog. I'll try my best, in any case.
What I wanted to tell you (reader) is something I've recently argued, with some success, with my younger brother (of whom I could not think more highly. He is, quite simply, his sire's best, and his brethren's most beloved);
"I might not always be RIGHT. But I'm NEVER WRONG."
This is something I often proclaim sometimes in jest, mostly with complete sincerity, but ultimately with a genuine belief.
And it's not arrogance.
No way.
I've had more than my share of mistakes.
I live a life of regrets, though fewer than people who know me would think.
I can count count on ONE hand the number of things I would do differently had I the chance.
Most of them before I went turned 18.
But that's another post.
The point of THIS write-up is to introduce to vices...two characteristic qualities (or qualitative characteristics) that have, in many ways, defined my adult life:
DING!
DING!
Oh! I have so much to say about both these enriching activities.
No glorifications, mind you. Heaven forbid.
But...eh...you know what...let's start things off this way.
I am a jinn. You are gonna follow me on a magic carpet ride.
WTF is ruff talking about?
*************************
BETTING, MOODA-SOKAH!!!
I’m talking FOOSBALL!!!
This ain’t the UNITED states.
This is GAMBLING STATE!
And ain’t no drumline gonna make it worth your while at half-time so you better lissen to Papa Ruff’s words of wisdom!
Let’s start with the sacred. The Saracen. Da Ting I Don’t Likes 2 Touch...
THE NY FOOTBALL GIANTS @ PHILLY - 3
Hoooleeee Crap!!! A 7-1 DEFENDING SB team with a perfect conf record and an insane road record is a 3pt dog against a team winless in the division?!!?
Alright, lemme let you neophytes in on a lil’ secret. Vegas LOVES giving The Philadelphia Eagles an extra 3 pts when setting their lines. I’ve noticed this phenomenon for about 2 years but I’m sure it predates my own gambling history (what up coo!).
Don't know why, don't know when but whatever it is…know it and make your bets accordingly.
I don’t bet on Giants games for personal reasons but still I’m insulted. That said, this line should at least be a pickem. Taking the home team discount of 3 pts into account that means the experts TRULY believe the boys barely survive a slugfest by a score...
BUT WAIT…THEEERE’S MORE...
BOTH teams have high powered offenses that LOVE playing their rivals. The Giant O is superior but is coming off a tough game and Philly’s D ain’t what it used ta be.
THEREFORE: disregard everything I said save for this:
Take the OVER (preferably as part of a tease)
OK…had to get that off my chest. I’ll run through the rest quickly (bettor's pick in CAPS).
DREW’S CREW in Hotlanta - 3
This is a one o’clock game. Do yourself a favor. Turn off Fox’s pregame about 5 minutes before gametime…turn it back on once the games have commenced and relax in the knowledge that Big Daddy Brees will deliver unto you. Trust me.
Jax on CYBERTRON +6.5
Yeah, this line definitely had to come down, but not enuff. And this has nothing to do with me owning Megatron. Pick against him this week at your own peril (chocolate-covered…yellow…whatever)!
Kerry’s Kids @ CHICAGO +3
Sigh. There are certain teams I don’t mess with. The Titans and the Bears are TWO of them!
Here are my predictions: Kerry Collins (don't be fooled. he's a gunslinger) will hook up with SOMEBODY for a long TD. That might make it close, but Wrecks and this D find a way to cover.
Seagoils @ MIAMA -8
FAVORED BY A TD!?!? Eh. They should be. Remember Holmgren is gone after this year and a lot of their starters are more stop-gaps than anything. Tell Fudd it’s LAME-duck season so we can move on.
GBP @ Minny -2
The GBP (in honor of the release of KGB) just played a more complete version of the Vikings last week. They outplayed them. This WOULD qualify as a letdown game except for the fact that these teams hate each other. Think Giants playing the Cowboys (won or loss) after having played the Steelers. I’ll take Aaron over Frot.
WINGS @ Pats -3.5
Somewhat corny name for Buffalo’s team but one I’m at peace with, partly because it was either that or the “OJ’s”. By the way, THIS is the letdown game we talked about in the last paragraff. Buffalo covers.
RAMS @ Jets – 9
Word?!!? The Rams getting 9 while playing for the rights to their own unis back?!!? Take either the Rams or the UNDER…but not both. (?)
Ravens @ HOUSTON (pick)
All I gotta do is PICK huh? Well, fuckit. I say some crazy shit happens and Baltimore loses. How’s that?!
PANTHERS @ Oakland +9.5
This line moved 2 pts and with good reason. JMR STINKS and I can’t confirm that DMC has played a single game.
BTW, I have a question. Explain to me why it’s ok for the Al Davis to screw Reebok out of revenue from the sale of DeAngelo Hall's Raider jersey’s while Chad in Cincy is not allowed to display his legal name on his work uniform for, ostensibly, the same reason?
Gotta love the NFL.
Indy in the Pitts (doesn’t matter)
Ugh. I don’t care about this game, monetarily. The irony is (and perhaps not) this might be the most entertaining game this Sunday. Of course, few of us will get to see it but there’s always gamecast…which reminds me.* Take the OVER.
Kansassssity @ SANDIEGO -15
Step 1: Go to your nearest BestBuy/CircuitCity
Step 2: Purchase 'Blazin' Saddles' on dvd.
Step 3: Watch repeatedly.
Step 4: Stop sweating this massive line…Superman returns.
MNF: IKE SINGLETARY @ ‘zona -9.5
Fuck what you heard. This man will NOT let himself get embarrassed on live tv!
Sorry, Kurt.
**********************
Whooo!
Ok. The carpet rid is over.
That was ALL imaginary.
But imagine, for second, that it wasn't.
Imagine that somehow, someway, you found a rarely read site that told you to put...I DUNNO...5 BUCKS on every game mentioned.
And let's assume that for every successful $5 bet you win $4!
How would you feel about me come Monday morning?
just asking?
* Oh yeah, (wow that lil' reminder worked during reread)
FYI: you can watch all sunday night or NFL Network games online. You know how NBC always promotes their ENHANCED online coverage? well that's the NFL feed. I used it to catch the cleveleand/dnever game this past thurs.
Just go to NFL and click whatever looks promising.
BTW: You're welcome.
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