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WEEK 2 NFL LINES & PICKS

Last week was a strong start. Went 10-4-1 by my count and definitely hit that primetime parlay. You really need to stick with me on these parlay and teaser bets. Anyway, week 2 is here so let’s get right into it.

EARLY SUNDAY GAMES

Chiefs @ CLEVELAND -3

What a way to start the show. At first glance this looks to be a crappy game featuring two craptastic teams but I say nay! Aside from the fact that KC looks to be a bit more explosive with fantasy darling, Jamaal Charles and Dexter McCluster, the Browns strike me as an underrated team. I’m not gonna say much more because I make it a point not to watch games involving the Browns (hours that I just can’t afford to waste at my age). So who knows? I could be way off.

I’ll say this though, the line moved 2 points in favor of the Browns this week which doesn’t make much sense (but to me).

I’m taking the Browns.

Bills @ LAMBEAU FIELD -13

DAMN, did C.J. Spiller do shit with the rock last week. Killed my chances at a week one fantasy victory in my Kappa league. And AaRodge didn’t light the world on fire either. That’ll all change though. While the Bills have a pretty decent pass defense, they don’t have any sort of pass rush. I gotta trust that Aaron Rodgers aka: “The Future” will find a productive way to spend his time back there in the pocket.

Packers.

RAVENS @ Cincy +2.5

Fuckin AFC North man. If you enjoy chilly autumn weather, drinking full glasses of jagermeister, and anal sex, then you probably enjoy watching AFC North games. (Also, you should probably give me a call sometime. I don’t judge.)

Vegas is opening the door to a cover with that dangling ½ point and I’m walking through it.

Ravens.

STEELERS @ Music City -5

God, do I hate the Steelers. I don’t dig their offense with Big Benlisberger. I don’t dig their offense without Big Benlisberger and I damn sure don’t dig no VISTA of no VIEW!

I think they’re gonna do a good job of containing Chris Johnson so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they find a way to cover the 5.

Take the Steelers.

Iggies @ DETROIT ROCK CITY +6.5

Boy, would I have liked the Lions in this game if both teams had their starting QBs.

You know what? Jim Schwartz had a week to gameplan Vick and Shaun Hill had a week of 1^st team reps. Plus, Megatron is impossible to miss. Let’s make this my upset (cover) special of the week.

Going with the home dogs.

Bears @ DALLAS -7

This line moved down half a point and I, for one, am thankful. Now watch it not even matter.

I’m going with Dallas.

Bucs @ CAROLINA -3

Another easy call. It might be close, but it’s an easy call.

Panthers.

Cardinals @ATL -6.5 O/U 43

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get on board with the Matt Ryan era in Atlanta. I’ve got no issue with Ryan. I’ve got no issue with the Falcons. I have issue with Ryan with the Falcons. I just don’t feel like Matty Ice can represent the ATL like that.

I have no clue what to do with this game so lemme take the over.

Dolphins @ MINNY -5.5

I could see this being a low scoring affair. Two teams that love to (if not HAVE to) pound the ball rushing. Five and a half means I get two fgs and the touchdown cover? Cool.

Vikings.

LATE AFTERNOON GAMES

Rams @ OAKLAND -3

Is this the featured game in the L.A. market? How do those fans feel about this matchup? And how fast did I get over my pre-draft love for rookie Rolando McClain?

Raiders.

Hawks @ MILE HIGH -3.5

The Seahawks whooped up on the 49ers last week (and got Coach Singletary to thank them for it!) So I’m not happy about that. Maybe I’ll get on board with the Pete Carrol era in another week or two but lemme see them do some damage in Mile High first.

Denver covers.

TEXANS @ Washington +3 O/U 43.5

Fuck Houston and fuck Arian Foster.

Having said that, I’m no dummy. I gotta go with that Texans offense. Also, RFK stadium has got like extra gravity or something. Everything seems slower and more depressed, especially scoring.

Take the road team and the under.

JAGS @ San Diego -7

The Jags always fuck me hard at least once a season. Last year it was that week 5 game when they shutout the Seahawks 41-0 on the road. As a wise man once said:

“Fool me once…shame on…shame on you. It fooled me. Ya can’t get fooled again.” –G. Dubbs

Jaguars.

PATRIOTS @ The Meadowlands +3

This will be a debacle.

Pats.

SUNDAY NIGHT PRIMETIME

The New York Football Giants @ Indianapolis -5 O/U 48.5

Y’all know the drill by now. This isn’t an official handicap. I will say this much. Giants always get torched by pass-catching tight ends and their special teams might be a problem this week. I’m not gonna tell you which way to pick but I WILL tell you the over is toast.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

CHAMPS @ San Francisco +5.5

You know what I love about Coach Singletary? The man got his ass whooped by one of the worst teams in the league last year, a division rival no less, and he got to the post-game press conference and thanked them for it. Literally thanked them for whipping their butts. Fuckin love this dude.

Saints.

PRINCE OF PARLAY’S PARLAY OF THE WEEK

7 point tease. Chiefs +10, Dallas to win, Vikings +1.5, Texans +4 and Saints +1.5. Money line is +350 on that so get on that.

Alright, kids. Daddy’s gotta go to work.

Good Luck and God Bless.