"How to Write the Great American Indian Novel"

The following is one of my favorite poems.
It's in a slightly altered form from the original, linked here.
All of the text is the same but the line and stanza breaks are different.
I think it's pretty funny but sad at the same time. Obviously, its intention.
Lemme know what you think.

"How to Write the Great American Novel"

All of the Indians must have tragic features:
tragic noses,
eyes,
and arms.
Their hands and fingers must be tragic
when they reach for tragic food.

The hero must be a half-breed,
half white
and half Indian,

preferably from a horse culture.

He should often weep alone.

That is mandatory.

If the hero is an Indian woman,
she is beautiful.
She must be slender
and in love with a white man.

But if she loves an Indian man
then he must be a half-breed,

preferably from a horse culture.

If the Indian woman loves a white man,
then he has to be so white that we can see the blue veins running through his skin like rivers.

When the Indian woman steps out of her dress,
the white man gasps at the endless beauty of her brown skin.

She should be compared to nature:
brown hills,
mountains,
fertile valleys,
dewy grass,
wind,
and clear water.

If she is compared to murky water, however, then she must have a secret.

Indians always have secrets,

which are carefully

and slowly

revealed.

Yet Indian secrets can be disclosed suddenly, like a storm.

Indian men, of course, are storms.
They should destroy the lives of any white women who choose to love them.

All white women love Indian men.

That is always the case.

White women feign disgust at the savage in blue jeans and T-shirt
(but secretly lust after him).

White women dream about half-breed Indian men

from horse cultures.

Indian men are horses,
smelling wild and gamey.
When the Indian man unbuttons his pants,
the white woman should think of topsoil.

There must be one murder,
one suicide,
one attempted rape.

Alcohol should be consumed.

Cars must be driven at high speeds.

Indians must see visions.

White people can have the same visions
if they are in love with Indians.

If a white person loves an Indian
then the white person is Indian
by proximity.

White people must carry an Indian
deep inside themselves.
Those interior Indians are half-breed

and obviously from horse cultures.

If the interior Indian is male
then he must be a warrior,
especially if he is inside a white man.

If the interior Indian is female,
then she must be a healer,
especially if she is inside a white woman.

Sometimes there are complications.

An Indian man can be hidden inside a white woman.

An Indian woman can be hidden inside a white man.

In these rare instances,
everybody is a half-breed
struggling to learn more

about his or her horse culture.

There must be redemption, of course,
and sins must be forgiven.
For this, we need children.

A white child and an Indian child
(gender not important)
should express deep affection in a childlike way.

In the Great American Indian novel,
when it is finally written,
all of the white people will be Indians

And all of the Indians will be ghosts.

-Sherman Alexie (edited by Raphael Armand)